Passing...
Is it the Holy Grail of crossdressing? Or the bane of crossdressers?
As time goes on, I feel more and more strongly that for crossdressing as a cultural phenomenon to make any advances toward public acceptance, crossdressers have to stop setting their sights on passing and focus more on simply looking good. So I don't want to give you tips on how to pass because I think you can do better than that.
I think you can raise the conciousness of those you meet.
As I learned more about this thing that I do, I discovered that, while it is not criminal or in any way harmful to those around me, and crossdressed men rarely behave badly in public, it is, for the most part, socially unacceptable for a man to make himself look very much like a woman and go out in public to perform even the most mundain and routine of chores. A good analogy is the way long hair on men in the 1960s, shaved heads in the 1980s and body piercing in the 1990s "offended" some people. These activities were forms of self-expression, yet they elicited strong emotions from the general public.
The cultural resistace to crossdressing, I believe, lies in the fact that our culture places an unnecessarily high value on masculinity. Although it is slowly changing, we remain a patriarcal society, and the cultural "norm" for what is "masculine" is intimatly wrapped up with what is considered "good," "moral," "just" and "strong." Physical beauty is as much a part of the masculine "norm" as it is a part of the feminine "norm." The difference is that the masculine stereotype is, at this point in time, associated much more with the public image, rather than with the more private image of family, which is tied to the feminine norm.
Consequently, crossdressing does not represent so much an invasion or co-opting of femininity as it does an undermining or relinquishing of masculinity. To be born male means you must bear the responsibility of masculinity. If you reject that responsibility, as crossdressers seem to do, are you not also rejecting your role as the defender of what is good, moral, just and strong?
Elsewhere on this web site I reported on a Gallup poll done in 1996 that showed that while most people feel women should have equal employment opportunity with men and be paid equally, those same people said they felt more comfortable with men running the largest corporations.
The Gay Rights movement achieved the success and acceptance it did in part because it eradicated the stereotype of the effeminate homosexual and replaced it with the image of a "macho" masculine gay man. Sexual orienation is viewed as being much less threatening to our culture's well-being than images of feminine men and masculine women.
It is true that some women are offended by crossdressing because they feel it "violates" their feminine preogative. I can't accept this because a prerogative is nothing more than a right or a privilage that one group (men) grants to another (women). It implies that one group is dependent on the other for its well-being. I don't believe that many women feel this way. I think the feminist movement has gone a long way towards shattering this notion.
But I do believe, much to my frustration, that a majority of men and women still harbor a sense that the well being of our culture and our nation is somehow connected to the masculine stereotype. And this is where it gets hard to be a crossdresser.
It's not what "toys" men play with, it's how they play with them. The ranks of the worlds most renowned chefs, clothing designers and makeup artists are full of men. But it's OK to do these things because these men are wealthy, influential and powerful. They command status and respect. They are ambitious.
Wealth, influence, power, respect, status, ambition. All attributes of the masculine image. Giani Versache and Kevin Aucoin may be gay, but they are not feminine. At least not in the public view.
So on the surface, given this strong cultral aversion to crossdressing, passing seems to be a great way to solve the problem. If only it were that simple! The big question is: how many of us pass in the first place? In my own opinion, not nearly as many of use who brag that we do.
How do you know what someone was thinking when they looked at you? Just because they don't gawk or say something rude doesn't mean you weren't read as a man. I have been hassled only once during all my time in public, yet I never believed I was passing! At the very best, I generated enough confusion in the mind of a well-bred and polite person that they gracefuly avoided a potentially embarassing moment by deferring to the clothing I was wearing and calling me "ma'am".
Well big deal! Last week, I was twice referred to as "ma'am" and both times I was dressed in my usual male clothing. I wasn't wearing a wig (my natural hair is longer) and I wore no makeup, although I was clean shaven. In both cases, the people who called me ma'am were excessively appologetic and clearly worried they had offended me. Given their level of discomfort with having used the wrong pronoun, it's easy to understand how an obviously crossdressed man can get manage to be called "ma'am".
I'm not impressed. And you shouldn't be either when it happens to you.
In general, we are too tall, our hands and feet are too big, we are too broad shouldered and barrel chested, our arms are too long, our jaws too large and our legs too muscular. We wear wigs, for crying out loud. So even before we dab on that first blot of makeup, look at what we have going against us! Even with all the right mannerisms, the well-controlled voice, perfect colors and great clothes, we are decidedly male in many ways.
But definitely not masculine. And that is precisely why we are so badly needed as the new millenium is about to begin.
So this is not a condemnation of crossdressing. Hardly. But I have no qualms about being critical of crossdressers who play that obnoxious game of one-upMANship when it comes to the latest episode of "How Well I Pass." It's wasted time and energy.
All crossdressers have complete control over how well they look when they crossdress. As I have said many times throughout this web site, applying makeup is nothing more than a skill that any man or woman can excel at. Fashion sense can likewise be learned by any man or woman. Women do not have a monopoly on this stuff. If you wear an unusually large shoe or clothing size, finding the right items may be more of a challenge or expense, but it's no excuse for neglecting how you look.
The ultimate in irony is the crossdresser who dresses down, trying to look casual by wearing "unisex" clothing and very little makeup, almost to the point of being frumpy, so as to be more passable.
When you go out in public, most people, contrary to what you want to believe or hope for, will see a man in a dress.
But wow! She looks good, doesn't she?
